My Name is Mason Stephens and I’m going to teach you how to save your marriage
Before we get started I want to be totally upfront with you. I am NOT a professional marriage counselor or even any kind of relationship guru.
I do, however, have a great deal of experience as I’ve been through LOTS of difficult times in my own marriage and nearly let it fail.
I’ll also let you in on a little secret…counseling nearly ended mine and my wife’s marriage for good.
Through A LOT of soul searching, some resources we found online, and a great deal of patience we were able not only reconcile our differences but bring back the passion that had been missing since shortly after our wedding.
Now I want to show you what worked for us in the hope that you too can salvage your marriage and begin living a happy and passionate life.
How to Avoid Divorce
I get this question all of the time. “We’re on the brink of divorce, how do I stop it from happening?”
I’m going to be addressing this, but first I’d like you to consider your mindset. This isn’t just about stopping a divorce from happening by offering you a list of tips. It’s about SAVING your marriage and fixing your relationship.
How I Can Help You Save Your Broken Marriage
To be totally honest our kids were the biggest factor in my wife and I wanting to make things work. Without them I’m not sure if I would’ve stuck it out. Neither of us wanted them to grow up in a broken home or have to deal with parents that argued all the time.
With the benefit of 50/50 hindsight I now know that having kids doesn’t really make that much difference when it comes to saving a broken marriage. As humans we naturally allow things to fill our time. Whether it’s kids, a job, sports…
More on that later…
Is My Marriage Worth Saving?
This is a tough question. It’s easy to “lose” the person you fell in love with even when you’re around them all the time. With so many priorities vying for our time it’s easy to forget that BOTH you and your spouse need to devote time to just each other.
But the person you fell in love with is there somewhere. It just might take some effort on both of your parts to find that connection that was so strong in the beginning.
Saving your marriage starts with realizing love takes WORK. Sure things are easy in the beginning when everything is new and you can’t keep your hands off each other. But what about 2, 3, or 10 years down the road. You see each other every day, but are often like two ships passing in the night.
Sure you might habitually repeat the phrase “I love you” on a regular basis. But do you take the time and effort to MEAN IT. I mean putting your hands around your spouses waist, looking into their eyes, and truly telling them that you love and appreciate them.
Sound cheesy? Try it. It feels pretty damn good.
Start Rebuilding Your Marriage With Trust
Whatever feelings of anger, frustration, or loss you might be having, you can be certain your spouse feels the same way. Re-establishing trust between the two of you is one of the first steps in salvaging your marriage.
But fixing a broken marriage (or any kind of relationship) isn’t easy. Oftentimes it requires that YOU take the first step. Once you spouse feels you moving in their direction, they will naturally want to open up too. But don’t expect overnight changes, this process takes time.
The Best Marriage Advice I Ever Got
Spend time with each other. For some of you this might sound terrible, for others stressful. But spending time together is the cornerstone of any great relationship.
That said, it’s not as easy as occupying the same space.
You can’t just be there in the flesh. You need to be 100% attuned to the needs of your spouse. You need to become what I call the best listener in the world.
How do you do that?
It’s actually pretty easy. Go out on a date and for the whole time give your spouse your complete and undivided attention. Put away your phone. Or better yet, leave it at home.
When you’re together it’s all about the other person. Devote all of your attention to your spouse when they’re talking. It takes a bit of practice. But you need to squash down the voice in your head that tells you talk, talk, talk. Instead, tell it to shut up.
Here’s a great video on how to become a better listener.
When you do this you’ll find that something magical happens. They will see the attention your lavishing on them and begin to open up.
If this sounds difficult, I completely understand. I was right there with you.
For a while I was absolutely convinced that my wife was crazy, and I’m pretty sure she thought I was just plain stupid. Actually, I know for certain because she felt obligated to tell me on more than one occasion.
The situation was absolutely horrible. I ALWAYS felt like I was walking on eggshells whenever we were near each other.
And sex… FORGET IT.
We hadn’t had sex in months. And why would we? Neither of us felt any type of emotional connection, much less a spark of passion.
But you can get all of it back just like we did. And there are a couple of resources I want to talk about that can help you.
Some Marriage Resources I Highly Recommend
There are literally thousands of websites out there that talk about saving your marriage, but I’ve found two particular resources that literally worked wonders for my wife and I.
Now I’m going to be very straightforward, these products aren’t free. But nothing worth having is free
Save My Marriage Today
Save My Marriage Today (SMMT) was one of the first resources that I encountered that literally caused an “Ah Hah” moment for me. Everything else I had read was basically just the same regurgitated garbage you see on sites like Oprah, or Prevention. Sure they offer some tips, but this helped me explore the root of our problems.
Amy Waterman is the person behind the product and she offers insights and perspective that were astoundingly simple to understand. You can read my full Save My Marriage Today Review here.
Save The Marriage System
Another popular resource is the Save the Marriage System. I found this one a couple months later when I was looking for validation of the ideas I’d read about in SMMT. While I questioned buying two different programs, in the end I’m glad I did.
It offers a different perspective and used language and concepts that were very easy to grasp. Read my Save the Marriage System review here if you’re interested in more information.
After going through these courses I had a MUCH more clear understanding of where our feelings of frustration and resentment were coming from. I felt more in touch with my wife than I had at any other point in our marriage.
I knew which behaviors of mine were driving her away and was quickly able to correct them. The end result was a relationship in which we are both much more aware of each other and each other’s needs.
Now I’m not going to say it will be easy. Yes there will be an “ah-hah” moment for you, but it will take some work from both you and your spouse. But the results are SO worth the effort. Imagine having that same feeling from when you were first married all the time.
I understand that’s not where you are right now. I was once in your shoes. Right now it’s hard to get past the constant fighting and bickering. But it’s really not that difficult to save your failing relationship if you know what steps to take.
So grab one of the courses I recommended above and get started.
Do You Have Questions About Rekindling Your Marriage?
I get lot’s of questions here so I’ve listed them all out below to try to help as many of you as possible. If you have more questions, feel free to leave a comment below.
Can You Save Your Marriage Alone?
I get plenty of emails about people who say they’re in a marriage where he wants out or she’s unresponsive and wants to end it. This is a tough situation. How do you save a relationship where only one person is trying?
You HAVE to understand that making a marriage work requires both people. Yes, you have to give to make it work, but you can’t just give and give and give…
If your spouse isn’t willing to fight for your marriage at your side then you’re in an uphill battle at best.
Should We Get a Separation?
If you’re in a position where your husband or wife want’s out of the marriage it’s often best to start with a separation. This gives you BOTH time to reflect on your lives, your needs, AND time to think about your spouse.
If you’re wondering if this is the right choice for you can read more about it in this article about whether or not separation can help a marriage.
How Do I Save Our Marriage When She Wants Out?
Men and women are dramatically different animals. Lack of understanding of these differences is the primary reason for the friction that leads to divorce in the first place. If you’re seeing signs that your wife wants out of the marriage you need to act now to figure out what is wrong and what you can do to preserve your relationship.
I’ll give you a hint. It starts with communication. Here are some more tips.
How to Save a Marriage If He Wants Out?
Ladies, if you’re starting to see signs he wants a divorce, the same holds true. You need to talk to him. But you can just come in guns a-blazing. You need to warm him up a bit before you can have a serious conversation. Show him what he’s missing. This will make him INFINITELY more responsive.
Remember, he’s got a lot on his plate too. Break him out of the routine. Then you can have a heart to heart talk that actually goes somewhere besides an argument.
What Are Some Signs of a Failed Marriage
This one is pretty easy. First and foremost you need to go with your gut. Do things feel “right” between you and your spouse? If not, how long have things been off? Do you feel like two ships passing in the night? How long has it been since you last made love?
If the answers to any of these questions are difficult then you’re probably struggling in your marriage.
And to be totally honest, even if your marriage feels pretty good you can still benefit from the information in these courses. Not only will it improve your relationship, but it will make you aware of the pitfalls many couples fall into. This alone is worth the price of admission. If you want some more tips check out this article.
If you’re ready to save your marriage get moving. You only make things worse by waiting.